I PASS

Anonymous

I pass as an ordinary citizen. That part of my racial heritage which is Negro. . . those tendencies of my affections which are homosexual. . .and many of the most beautiful ideals that live in my heart are secret from you. For you, Mister Average, have devised a thousand ways to tell me that you do not want me as I am; and so I pass. . . as what you say you want me to be.

You see me daily without recognition or alarm-working alongside you, living next door to you with my family, sitting next to you in church-and even if my name were revealed to you at this moment, you would not immediately believe it. It would take you several minutes, at least, to readjust your thinking about me so that your customary thoughts of prejudice, suspicion, and hatred all fitted into neat categories alongside my name. You might accomplish this in less time if your experience and inclinations have developed such a skill in you; yet again, it might take you more time if you pause to think each point through as you go along. But however long it would take you to change your sense of me from equanimity to resentment, you would probably manage to do it . . .even at the expense of your own ideals, religion, and natural preference of good will.

Do you wonder why I pass, Mister Average? Perhaps you think you know why: you think that I fear you. Well, yes. . .that's part of it. I fear the effects of prej-

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udice unleashed into careless and harmful action. I don't want to lose my job. Do you? I don't want to lose the friendly ease I enjoy with my neighbors. Do you? I enjoy my home, the area in which I built it, my work, and my social activities in the church and clubs we belong to. Don't you? Can you understand why I fear you, Mister Average? Wouldn't you fear me if I demonstrated even a trace of a desire to displace you from the position you have struggled to establish for yourself in this world? Wouldn't you fear me even if you thought I would be inclined to allow you to be displaced without protesting in your behalf? Yes, I fear you-and you know why.

But that is not the whole of it, Mister Average. I fear you and am bewildered by you and am astonished into silence by you, but you still have not guessed the most important reason why I pass. It outweighs all other reasoning and I have such reverence for it that it is almost unspeakable. But you have brought yourself to this place where it can be spoken and you have only to turn away right now to avoid hearing it.

It is simply this: I love you.

It was once written that love "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." I cannot do less.

If I did not pass, but declared myself openly, would you consider that a greater kindness? No, for such a declaration would only bring one of two ills upon you. If you